I no longer have a baby living in this house that wears diapers. Want to hear how I made that happen?

I threw a Potty Party.

The idea stemmed from a girlfriend of mine that told me her son was gravitating to the idea that HER birthday party meant that HE was getting to be a big boy. So I decided that was the key. Nolan (2 1/2) needed to have a party.

Step 1: Lay the Groundwork

I selected Labor Day Weekend as Potty Training Weekend 2012, as it was Potty Training Weekend 2009. As a working mom, I look for three-day-weekends that leave me extended time with my little one without having to take a vacation day. Plus, it’s the start of College Football Saturday, so there’s plenty to watch on TV. Although potty training this year was more pleasurable than watching the Hawkeyes NOT LOSE to Illinois State or whatever college that was that I’ve never heard of before.

I talked about his potty party for MONTHS! We talked about it to his family, teachers, everyone. There was no one in this kid’s life that didn’t know he was being potty trained on September 1.

PS: The other thing you need to do is start weaning liquids past 7pm. Nolan loves the sippy cup of water we leave in his bed. But you know what I love? Not buying diapers. I win.

Step 2: Get Incentives

I even got my poor innocent mother in on the gig. We each got him two wrapped gifts worth about $10 each. I also got him a bag of tiny figurines. This is where it’s helpful to, in my business, KNOW YOUR TARGET AUDIENCE. This particular target audience likes the movie Cars and choo choo trains. Yours? Stickers are always helpful with the under 3 crowd. Get plenty of them.

Step 3: Decorate

I got McQueen balloons to go beside the potty seat, laid out the wrapped gifts and got party hats and blowers. Avery and I made a sign. I even used his big boy underwear as a decoration.

Step 4: Refreshments

I got a bag of M&Ms and two half gallons of juice. Two different kinds in case he got tired of one. He got to pick them out himself.

Step 5: Proper Potty Placement

We removed the rug in our den, pushed our furniture aside, used water-proof mats on our furniture and put the portable potty on the back wall. This way the potty is close-by all weekend and you don’t have to worry about other fabric. This child required to remain on hard wood and tiled floor coverings for the duration of Potty Party 2012.

Step 6: The 1st Morning – The Stuffed Animal Culprit

The first thing I did was have his favorite stuffed animal, See See, have an accident on the floor with the ‘help’ of a medicine dropper. I picked up that tip from here. I said “Oh, no! Nolan! See See isn’t supposed to pee pee on the floor! He’s supposed to pee pee where?” And Nolan, completely enthusiastically, says with super wide eyes, “In the POTTY!!” I said, “Right! We do NOT pee pee on the floor. We pee pee on the potty!” So I drag See See over to the potty, repeat the medicine dropper trick and See See is a hero. You’re welcome, See See. For the rest of the weekend, we had to hear about how See See pee peed in the potty.

Step 7: Big Kid Underpants

Then we put Nolan in big boy underpants. And it just now occurred to me how much Nolan will hate me when he’s a teenager because of this blog. Anyhow. {we’ll deal with that later.}

Step 8: Juice

After that, I filled up his cup with juice. I probably said, “Drink your juice” more times that Sally Field in Steel Magnolias.

Step 9: :15 Duck Timer

I set my iPhone timer to 15 minutes each time he’d sit on the potty. But the trick is that I’d set it on the duck setting. So Nolan would think that the aggressively quacking duck was telling him to go to the potty every 15 minutes, not me.

Step 10: Cleaning Up an Accident

The first time Nolan had to potty was an accident. I said, “No! We do NOT potty on the floor. We potty on the POTTY!” and made him wipe it up {With my help. I’m not a total bitch}. I said it sternly enough to let him know I was serious, but gentle enough to let him know that I still love him.

Step 11: Incentive Time

The next time? He did it right and I gave him a wrapped gift. His happened to be Francesco Bernoulli from Cars. Avery, however, would have cried if I gave her a Francesco Bernoulli car. Again. KNOW YOUR AUDIENCE.

When you give the wrapped gifts, M&Ms or stickers is up to you. Remember, this takes THREE DAYS so go easy on yourself. For the first day I gave him stickers and M&Ms when he sat on the potty even if he didn’t go. On the second day, he had to be more productive. Nolan was scared to get OFF the potty on the first day, so I had to give him incentives to get up rather than to get on. You know your kid. Wing it depending on what hurdles you’re running in to. By the end of the weekend, Nolan had a Potty Party sign full of stickers and a diaper that was dry during nap and nighttime. The next time we gave him a gift was when he pooed on the potty. The next time was when he was dry after nap, and the last time was when he was dry after a grocery store visit! However, during that grocery store visit he did call a thin woman in her 40s a ‘fat grandma’ which wasn’t exactly gift-worthy, but I figured since the last gift was from my mom that she probably would have though it MORE than awesome. So I gave it to him. His final gift was a movie of “The Little Engine That Could”. Such a perfect end to an exhausting weekend that in no way was relaxing to the mother.

Fast forward to today {Tuesday}.

I called at lunchtime to hear how my baby was doing at school with his new routine.

Me: How’s Nolan doing?

Them: Oh he’s doing GREAT! He hasn’t had one acci… Wait… What? Really? OK. Um, Emily? He just pooped his pants at the lunch table {if he didn’t resent me already, I’m just trying to bring it on home.}

Overhearing Him: Ummm. I stink. Can someone change me, please? {what a polite kid.}

I have no other advice.

Wait. I do.

When you potty train your little one, it will take WEEKS or MONTHS to get to the point where you are comfortable even leaving the house with them. You’ll learn where all the restrooms are at all your favorite stomping grounds. They’ll pee in their bed and in your pantry and on YOUR bed and in your car. And then one day they won’t. And you’ll realize that you have a potty trained little monkey. And you did it some stupid Labor Day Weekend where Iowa played some crappy team and barely won. I digress.

Congratulations, Nolan. I love you. I’m SOOOOOOO proud of you. You’ll be my baby far longer than you will ever imagine. Diapers or not, you’re my little monkey.

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