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This week, I registered Avery for next Fall’s Kindergarten class. There are many reasons this is a big pill to swallow, but to fully understand what this means to me I need to take you back in time.

We tried to get pregnant with Avery for over two years. The only word I can think of to describe what it feels like to struggle with infertility is PANIC. I was panicked every day for two years that I would never become a mother. And on top of the panic, you’re doped up on insane levels of hormones and crazy concoctions that are supposed to get you your baby. I had surgeries, round and rounds of hormone treatments, gave myself injections and had weekly ultrasounds and blood draws. I obsessively tracked my cycle and knew everything there was to know about ovulation {my doctor told me I knew more than half of her interns – in a “you’re crazy” way…not an “I’m impressed” way}. I faded away from friendships, particularly from friends that had children or were pregnant. It was difficult to concentrate on much else. I can’t recall much from that two year stretch. Month after month passed and … nothing. It was heartbreaking. What if it just wasn’t in the cards for us? What if I could never have children? What if I was never going to become a mother? I got to the point where I referred to pregnant women as “unicorns” because they were a mythical creature that didn’t exist in my reality.

I know now that our struggle with infertility was put in place for us to learn the patience we’d need as parents. Sometimes you just don’t get what you want when you want it. Sometimes you just have to wait. This is not a concept that AJ and I are particularly comfortable with.

Well, I know you know how this story ends, but I became a unicorn. I always knew I wanted a child, but had no idea how much until Avery came into our lives. She has always been the most sparkly, loved little girl. Very much worth the wait.

Occasionally at bedtime when Avery asks me to tell her a story, I tell her a story that starts like this:

“Once upon a time, there was a King and a Queen that wanted a Princess more than anything in the world…”

And now that Princess will be starting Kindergarten next year.

{Avery at 3 months, my last night of maternity leave – again, be nice.}

Here’s a tip: Buy lots and lots of Kleenex stock sometime before next Fall.

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